Every organisation must have had incidents where cases of conflicts between wives of influential colleagues stirred the otherwise routine office work. For a few days, the infamous couples would have been the reason for agony, anger and sarcasm in public circles and then everything passes into oblivion. Such news never hits the mainstream media as who bothers over some in house fights of an organisation.
My journey with AFWWA started as an outsider. As Honorary Joint Secretary AFWWA, I was like a link between the First Lady (i.e. the President AFWWA who also happens to be the wife of the Commander or the senior most officer of the unit) and the administration. I was lucky I had other officers assisting me in carrying out major responsibilities and being an unmarried woman officer, I was pampered as a baby darling by the ladies. Mornings used to be spent shopping around the town for the charity thrift shops and planning welfare activities while evenings used to be spent at married ladies’ houses discussing all the gossip of the unit over delicious dinners. I wondered what a lovely life these ladies were leading: they were respected and looked after at all times, they were part of an organisation which looked after them while their husbands were in service and afterwards too. They used to meet during monthly regular meetings, showcase their talents, win prizes and gifts and interact amongst themselves over a cup of tea and refreshments. Their children were getting scholarships. They were getting other facilities at concessional rates. During any mishap, AFWWA was at their doorstep with emotional and financial assistance. And most importantly, each of them had an identity as a Sangini- a member of AFWWA from day one when they got married to their husbands.Life was perfect till I got married to a gentleman officer from IAF and was made aware that I was also a member of the AFWWA as well as Officers’ Wives Club. I was expected to not only attend all the activities and contribute actively but also ensure the availability of wives of my husband’s subordinates! And then the glossy picture started fading. I could see ladies influencing the decision-making process, whims and fancies stretching over self-esteems of others and rationality giving way to eccentricities. Hundreds of articles would be less if one had to pen down the experiences of AFWWA events at even a single unit. They would surely make a juicy article for many. But discussing people would never help us find solutions to improve the situation. Whenever this came up as a topic of discussion with my male colleagues, I was surprised that they always had two extreme ways of handling it: those who ignored it completely saying AFWWA was a completely ladies thing and those others who dictated the behaviour of their wives. When I went back and saw the ladies, it made sense. Here we had some ladies who chose to remain silent and were too diplomatic when they had to give their opinions. Their husbands were doing well in service. The others whose husbands just didn’t care were the ones who either faltered and got branded as troublemakers or not-so-important ones; or became the mouthpiece of the senior ladies.
Education they say is the result of your genes as well as your environment. Similarly, a lady’s behaviour is the result of her own personality, upbringing and exposure in service. What the husband’s tell or decide not to tell the lady about the organisation, its ethos decides how she battles out the journey of her existence in the social circles. As a lady when she lands up in the shoes of a leader as the first lady of her unit, her identity and actions become prominent. This is where all that unconscious learning, individual aspirations and husband’s advice comes into play.
The newspapers and media persons would be adding to the brouhaha by using words such as physical assault, molestation and so on to condemn the act of the senior lady. Some of us would enjoy tragic pleasure remembering the times when she was rude to them in past similar experiences as some others would condemn the act. In my opinion, it is the time to get the true lady to the limelight and refuse the media to doubt the organisation. Yes I don’t support the wrong. But once done, it can’t be undone.
In these demanding times when our husbands are already busy doing their bit for the nation; let us support the cause by proving all these reports wrong. Let us recall the most important fact that we are all a family. We celebrate, enjoy, cry, complain but keep all our family secrets within the family. Let’s not wash our dirty linen publicly and let the media and bureaucracy make fun of us. Let’s be generous and apologise for our mistakes. Also, let’s keep the family in mind before we rebel. The AWWA/ AFWWA are our organisations and our predecessors have done a lot to bring it where it stands today. With our education, experience and enthusiasm we can make it more meaningful. Let’s learn to command before we demand respect. Also, let’s learn to follow before we lead the movement. When we can survive through births and deaths with more élan, why do we show such lack of manners and etiquettes in public spaces?
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